as weird as it sounds, i almost wish i could do high school all over again, knowing what i know now.
1. i am SO FULL of happy memories. i was having flashbacks (ok i’m only 20 whatever) to all those high school shindigs and all those foreign travels and gee, i’ve lived a great, blessed life. i miss those people and places so incredibly much, and yesterday night i stalked some friends’ photos and filled myself with cheesy, giddy emotions, knowing that they’re alive and doing well out there, but gosh i sure do miss them.
2. there is so much joy in just partaking in other people’s sources of joy. like i love hearing my roommate ramble about football and i love watching her favorite show with her, and i love hearing about my other roommate’s intrigue with languages around the world. their passion is so brilliantly contagious.
3. life is short, man. i do not thank my God nearly as much as i can. no time to hate people. that is a huge reminder to me because boy do i forget.
4. i love my parents, i love my parents so much. i’ve begun bragging about them. there have been many things recently that have triggered some memory and made me miss them. especially that paper i wrote about mooncakes and mid-autumn festival. being away from johns creek and all those asians has made me miss that part of myself, and now suddenly, for the first time ever, i actually want to go to china. and eat some chinese food. boy do i crave it.
5. i love this quote- “Had the Lord Jesus been far away from us, with many a stormy sea between, we should have longed to send a messenger to Him to carry Him our loves, and bring us tidings from His Father’s house; but see His kindness, He has built His house next door to ours, nay, more, He takes lodging with us, and tabernacles in poor humble hearts, that so He may have perpetual intercourse with us. O how foolish must we be, if we do not live in habitual communion with Him.”
gah im so incredibly annoyed at myself. i hate that this is the one update im posting on england LOL but alk;sdjfa;lsdjf what is up with me and my lack of attention to details. first i book the wrong flight to prague so i have to pay for another flight, then i book the wrong flight to belgium so i have to pay again for another flight, AND i enter the wrong email address so i never receive a confirmation email with my tickets, AND MY UK PHONE IS OUT OF MINUTES AND NOTHING WORKS
AHHHHH SO MUCH FRUSTRATION AT MYSELF WHY DO I JUST WASTE MONEY MY PARENTS ARENT THAT RICH IM SO BLESSED TO BE HERE AND MY PARENTS ARE JUST BEING SO NICE IN LETTING ME TRAVEL AND HERE I AM JUST THROWING ALL THIS MONEY AWAY ON FLIGHTS I NEVER GET ON IM SO ANGRY AT MYSELF
phew phaepoijrawer ok ok breathing breathing
ughhhh. seriously though, it makes me want to cry. that was a lot of money. i feel pretty useless right now. it’s just that it’s not my money, and that makes me feel pretty stinky. bah. i’m perfectly content staying in UK after belgium (with the exception of ireland, which i’ve already paid for CORRECTLY, PRAISE GOD), and just living my happy life in oxford.
wow, i’m so sorry this is the one update. here, let me try to balance that out a little bit. life is amazing here. i’m in love with this place. i want to cry a lot because of all the happy emotions welling up inside of me. it’s so cheesy but 100% true. they have these collections of CS Lewis’s original works and the maps that he drew himself of narnia, and i really did cry. the library is ancient and majestic and everything beautiful, and i cried again when i ran across the section of the reformation, and then the puritans. the architecture is adorned with history of old. the dining hall is straight from harry potter. the grass is the grass of pemberley. the bed in my room is comfy. the windows are huge. everyone is nice. the pubs are pretty cozy, and for some reason, all the internationals (AND the locals) just kinda gravitate toward our table of loud americans, so we’ve met some pretty interesting people. i’ve begun skipping lunch because they don’t serve us lunch here, just tea and cookies. what the posh. oxford is tourist town during the summer, but it’s neat to be just a little bit better than a tourist and know that i’m here for six weeks and that i at least have access to the library that everyone’s taking pictures of. life is good, yall. i’m learning what it means to be independent. to be content, really, no matter the circumstance. philippians 4:11 am i right.
phew. i feel better. im wondering if i should just delete the first portion. or just not post this. ah, whatever, i’m publishing this. man. man.
one last thing though. i think of my parents a lot when i’m here. just about how much they’d love this place, especially my dad. he’d always tell me stories about how all he wanted to do when he was younger was to study, but his parents never let him (he had to do farmwork), and how he would bike for hours just to get to the library simply so that he could be among books. man, it makes me cry. i love my dad.
If I were a pineapple, the craziest thing I’d do is jump in an ocean and become a home for a sponge.
—Brother at Yellowstone
why is this so catchy
yo yo yo! best fran jessie slammin’ down that petry! (my brit friends have axed me to speak more gangsta lately so i’m practicing — you may as well hardcore judge and laugh at me because they all did when i first tried) but really czech jessie out. this poem is AWESOME
what’s up my home skillets, i wrote this poem in response to propaganda’s challenge to write a 90 second poem on identity. and well.. i tried as best as i could to fit all my thoughts and all my struggles with this topic into a mere 90 seconds, and found it extremely difficult, because for me and i think for many others (including mulan, hence her song “who am i inside”), finding my identity has always been a challenge. which makes sense, because identity is where someone finds self worth and purpose. by definition, it’s the essence and core of who we are. and society’s all like “don’t let a guy define you, you be you” and i’m all like “what does that MEAN” and then society’s all like “well what are your talents? what are your passions? follow that and be independent!”
but soon, you begin to realize that the latter is just as much as a trap as the former. you can dress it up with whatever you want to make it sound less pathetic, but both solutions tell you that who you are is entirely dependent on your performance- whether it be to perform for someone else’s approval or to perform to meet your own extremely high standards.
which is entirely too stressful for me to handle, because i never perform well enough. there is always someone out there who’s better than me. there is always a person who does not approve of me. there will always be a time when i disappoint the people i love, when i can’t love perfectly nor be loved perfectly.
so you can imagine how much of a relief it was to me to find out that in God’s eyes, who i am is not defined by what i do but rather by what He’s done. to the people who aren’t familiar with christian theology, what that essentially means is that Jesus’s perfection, righteousness, and blamelessness are imputed onto those who believe in him- this is how God can bring a sinful people to his holy self. ohohoho what brilliance is this. i can fail as i oftentimes do, yet still stand completely whole, because my identity no longer shatters into fragments when i fail. i can be okay with the fact that i will not achieve fame and status in the world’s list of “do-gooders” because i’m already content in the status i’ve been given in christ.
this by no means gives me an EXCUSE to fail though. on the contrary, it gives me so much freedom. do you see how fear is crushed upon knowing that my state of being isn’t fragile, but rather strong and mighty, founded in God himself, creator of the heavens and earth? and do you see how this grace is motivation enough to push me to want to work more, to pursue excellence in all that i do so that my savior, my identity-giver, can be glorified and lifted high?
gah wow i ranted for far too long about things i’ve already said in a 90-second poem, so… yeah, if you were to watch the poem, you’d still get the same gist of what i’ve typed HAHA. but i think that the process of writing both the poem and this long tumblr post has just been an incredible reminder for me of who i am. i love it because God has truly brought me through quite a lot regarding this topic, and finally, He has brought me to himself. the journey was perfectly crafted, with all the heartbreak and insecurity and self-hatred and then the immense amounts of pride, so that i could see how worthless all other pursuits were in light of the pursuit of my precious, precious savior. i still remember this one late night in 7th grade when i simply couldn’t go to bed, and i got up and started singing from my room to the empty streets below, “who am i? who am i?” incredibly cheesy and dramatic, but a very genuine question coming from a very lost girl.
turns out those streets weren’t empty. oh Father, how you’ve held me, molded me, disciplined me, loved me. i am so. freaking. whole.
Hey guys! I know I’ve been meaning to start posting videos on YouTube for a long time now, but I never got around to it until now. This video is a play on doing chores at home integrated with dance, but it is purely meant to be just entertaining. Please like, favorite, and subscribe if you enjoyed what you see and share it with your friends! I’m gonna try to start pushing YouTube more during this summer so you guys will definitely see more fun videos like this, as well as more serious choreography and freestyle videos on this channel. Thanks for all the support!
FINALLY!!!! IT’S FINALLY HAPPENING!!!! HEHEHEHE